It was warm and sunny today in Minnesota- so much so that I left the back sliding door open and fresh air blew through my house. I spent several hours outside, taking down the bedraggled Christmas decorations, brushing the cow, playing with the goats. Looking out across the farm fields, you could see the heat radiating off the cold soil and sitting on a bench in the sun, I could feel the vitamin D seeping into my sun-hungry body. I could feel my body relaxing in the warmth- just being. It's now late afternoon and the clouds have come in and a light breeze has picked up. As a hearty Minnesotan, I know this day was just a tease- we are still a long way from false spring, first spring, second spring, and real spring (iykyk) but the gift of a couple of hours of warmth, relaxation, and calm served as medicine I deeply needed.
In the last year, I have spent some time digging in to how our body holds trauma. After years of work with people who had experienced trauma beyond anything most of us could imagine, I became very aware of the ways the scars left by a lifetime of trauma showed up. In those moments when we would hit a wall, face aggression, or manic emotion, I knew that more than likely trauma was at the core. In those times, we would take a step back, see the inner person beyond the outward behavior. While I didn't have the training to counsel someone to work through their trauma, I was adept at holding safe space, listening deeply, and giving choices. The funny thing was, I could see how trauma affected others, I but didn't notice it in myself.
Take a moment right now and do a check over your body. Where are you holding tension? Are your shoulders up? Are you gritting your teeth? Is your tongue pushing on the roof of your mouth? Are your muscles tense? Are you scrunching your forehead? How's your gut? Have you noticed more acid reflux? Increased headaches? How are you sleeping? I will venture to guess that at least something in this list of tensions resonates with you. We are living in a cycle of constant fight or flight. Every news cycle brings more worry and when something this huge and cataclysmic is rocking our world, it is almost impossible to be immune from its physical effects on our bodies. I will also venture to guess that you haven't thought about these feelings from a point of trauma. I think we often think of trauma as something big and horrible and life altering. And it can be. But it can also be loss, fear, uncertainty- anything that pushes our minds to feel unsafe and our bodies to try and protect us. Let's be honest, we are living through something big and horrible and life altering. And with every executive order that gets passed down, more and more people in our own spheres are affected. Your body is holding trauma. Sit with that for a minute. Where is it showing up for you?
As a fixer and a healer by nature, I wish I had a five point plan for you to banish the trauma from your body right now. I wish I could insulate your body, mind ,and soul from what is still to come. I have learned that I can't. I can hold space for you. I can notice the trauma showing up in you and you can notice it in me. I can tell you to get outside, to take a walk, to take a break from social media for a bit. I can serve you fresh brownies from the oven and hand you the brush to brush the cow (I tell you, brushing a 1000 lb gentle giant really centers you!). I can pray for you and ask for honest prayers for myself. I can remind you to unclench your jaw, to relax your shoulders, to not lose yourself in a bottle of wine or whiskey. I can give you a hug. Our bodies truly do keep the score. Simply being aware of this truth can help. Tend to yourself. Put in place some spiritual practices that ground you. I know that I have returned to journaling- starting each day with the 3 words that pop into my head and going from there. Pray- and don't just focus on prayers of lament, remember there is still much to be thankful for. And when God gifts you with a sunny February day, open the windows and let a fresh breeze blow in, soak up the sun, and let your body feel safe for a moment.
A Blessing of the Body
Fearfully and wonderfully made
Flesh and bone
Muscle and sinew
Heart and soul
Our stories live in the very fibers of our being
Joy, sorrow, triumph, pain
Held in muscle, memory, and flesh
God, hold us wrapped in your embrace
Breathe into our hearts the promise of hope
Release the tension from our weary bodies
Wash us in cleansing baptismal waters
Remind us that you knit us together
in the warm safe waters of the womb
and you will
never leave us.
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